AND is the New Black

If I compliment you on two aspects of how you look, "I really like your hair and your jacket looks great" and then I say, "but that's an interesting choice of shoes" you remember what I said after the But...

Obviously! We all do this! Using buts and hearing only what comes after but...

The focus of this post is And. When we replace but with And, we soften our message (less edges is how I think of it). There are a few results that are immediate after we use And:

1. Your message becomes more positive and receivable. By using And, you are more aware of the process (how you communicate vs. the content--the what of an issue).

2. The target of the message is less threatened.

3. The receiver of the message hears the positive and the constructive. Note--we've changed the term from 'target' to 'receiver' because they've actually been able to listen to what you've said.

4. The relationship is intact.

5. You automatically make the constructive part after the And less of a threat.

6. The receiver is more likely to act on your advice or suggestion.

Try it. In the Autism world, our students struggle with communication, often to the point that they don't physically hear what is spoken to them. They perceive...and their perceptions are their reality (as with many teenagers). When we use And we improve our ability to be heard and our message has value--isn't that what we want in the first place?! We want to help Autism kids in their journey to adulthood and beyond. Using And in our vocabulary focuses on relationship and maintains their dignity while giving feedback to our autistic children. Our focus at autismlife.com is on tools and strategies. Please share your thoughts by commenting on this post after trying this out for yourself. It will take practice in order for it to become natural, and you can do it!